Hey everyone, long tome no blog :) Recently I've been checking out some new songs and I've only come across love songs. So I kind of realised, almost every single song is related to love, which sucks. Because ever since I've realised that, music has had a different impact on me. They seem to all have more emotion in them now :/
Even right now, I'm listening to this depressing song and its put me in a sentimental mood for no reason.
I was alone at home all day too, so these songs have given me a more openmind anout everything happening in my life. I realised that with all the depressing stuff happening around me, Ive forgotten about the times I smile. And I mean REALLY smile, not the fake smiles I put out for people.
So Ive decided that I should learn to enjoy things in the moment and stop looking back at the past or look too much into the future.
But anyway, thats all I have for now cos my train of thought has been disturbed cos of my family :L so bye, til next time!
xxRoselle
Hey guys. So I just found out that Andi's been shoved over to ICU (literally meaning she's in the most monitored part of the hospital in case something happens) and I still haveny been able to see her.
And guess what? After so long my idiotically dorky boyfriend decides to call me and the first thing he says: "bitch why havent you called me?"
GEE THANKS FOUZI YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD == lol but it was nice talking to him again and getting things off my chest (if you didnt know, im in sydney and he's in perth - literally opposite sides of the country - and ive known him for ages so he's probably the person i trust the most).
So i feel a little better compared to the past couple of days :) Ive also started scrapbooking ^^ (cos im a creative bitch) so now ive got so much on my hands OTL
Anyway thats all ive got for now. Im about to leave for school so yeah (ITS FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GO TO SCHOOL ON FRIDAY~ *gets headshot*)
Alright guys, bye :)
xxRoselle.
yeah so i was at a newsagency and saw this Dragonball z bookcover and I got the BEST IDEA EVER- Why dont i use it as a laptop skin? So i literally have goku on the cover of my laptop now :)
Here's how it looks:
sexy right? of course it is ;) and as a finishing touch:
My laptop is complete B| ahurhurhur see what I did there? ;D i am a GENIUS X)
Anyway just thought I should post this up and... yeah that's it. Trying to be all happy but it's not easy ^^;;
Anyway don't wanna bore you guys so i'll just go now ._. Bye!
xxRoselle.
So remember about my friend Julie crushing on her friend? Well yeah, yesterday she told me that it was all a lie. A freaking lie. Well not really, she just kind of re-enacted what happened before.
So it all seems a bit confusing now so let me explain.Julie did like her friend but that was months ago and she didn't tell anyone. She got over the whole phase but decided to tell me recently and make it seem like she liked her AT THAT TIME. She's a drama student so I guess its not surprising that I actually fell for it. But come on, WHY WOULD YOU RE-ENACT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED BEFORE?!
I obviously tried to be all cool about it and joke around a bit, but inside I was pretty annoyed. It kind of makes me think that maybe all that heart-to-heart stuff she said to me was a lie too. That day I told her about how I used to cut myself and I'VE NEVER TALKED ABOUT IT TO ANYONE FROM SCHOOL. She's my friend and I'm trying to be all cool about it but I can't. I have trust issues so to tell her about things that I haven't tod anyone else (except probaby one person) and then find out that for a good whole month she's been ACTING to me? I am pissed.
And Andi (Leo's sister) is still in hospital. She hasn't changed since she went in. Leo is by her side whenever he can so I haven't really seen him around and Annie visits her often. I want to go see her but I can't really do that. So Annie just calls and tells me whats happened. The doctors said it'll be a short coma hopefully but it's been two-three days
and I haven't seen her so I'm worried as hell.
But anyhooo it's like 6 o'clock on a Saturday morning and I should be getting some sleep but Im busy talking to my friend's ex because he still likes her >>. I need to catch up on sleep too, so I'll try getting some z's. Bye bye :3
xxRoselle.
So my friend Julie almost broke down in tears in front of me today. She cuts and she's been counting down the days to her birthday because she's planning to let herself get hit by a train on that day. And it's not a one-off. Everyday she tells me how many days left and I get really upset about it.
All that aside though, today we had sport. Right before we got into it, I noticed her weird behaviour. She looked like she was going to cry and when I went to hold her hand, she shrugged me off. She didn't do sports so my teacher told me to take her to the bathroom.
She told me a bit about her past. About how she was in so much depression that she started taking drugs. About how she met a guy and he changed her. About how she lost her virginity to him at the age of 13. And about how he left her on her own afterwards.
And now her best friend is planning on meeting with a random guy she met on facebook. Julie is trying to convince her not to go alone in case something happens but it turned into a huge argument and her 'best friend' brought up Julie's past. So now she's gonna literally try committing suicie even earlier. I'm scared for her, like really really scared and I don't know what to do.
To make matters worse, my best friend Leo's 8 year old sister has been in a coma for 12 hours. And I didn't know until a couple of hours ao. Her name is Andi and I've known her since she was a toddler so she's like a sister to me. When she was a baby, there was something wrong with her brain but it went away. This year though, they found a brain tumor.
All through the year I've seen her go through puking out blood, to having seizures and being hospitalized and now to a MOTHER FUCKING COMA. And the stupid fucking doctors keep postponing her surgery since APRIL. That was FOUR MONTHS AGO but because they keep postponing it, look at what's happened. I broke down in tears when I found out. Leo's by his sister's side and his gf Annie stayed for a bit too. I called her to find out how she is but Annie just broke down into tears too, making me break down again.
So right now I feel like my whole world is crashing down around me. My friend at school is planning on killing herself, my other friend's sister is on the verge of death, my mum is at the point of leaving the house forever, my boyfriend is currently living on the other side of the country and I have to fake a smile almost every second of my life. And doing that is getting harder.
People have noticed me changing too. The facade I've been holding up these past 4 years is starting to fade and people are starting to see through it. My fake smiles aren't working anymore and my real feelings are starting to surface. Teahcers ask me if I'm okay, my brother (who never notices anything) realised that I'm acting different, my friends no longer believe me when I say "everything's fine'. And I'm starting to crack.
I now have nowhere to go to. At first, anywhere was better than at home, then even school wasn't a getaway from things and now the only places I had left are filled with depression too. Not even sleep can save me. I've started having nightmares and I can't sleep. I'm scared that I might go back to cutting even after the haunting memories it gives me.
I want everything to end. I want to lie down in the middle of nowhere and just stare at the sky with an empty mind. Forever. I don't know what to do anymore. Everyone I trusted or loved is dead on the inside and now I'm left all alone. Again. I'm gonna lose it soon, I just know it.
xxRoselle.
Title is self-explanatory. One of my school friends (I'll call her Julie, just to hide her identity) told me that she likes her best friend. I go to an all-girls school.
So Julie told me today and expected me to be grossed out and all but I just said I didn't mind. Which I don't. But... she denied being lesbian before. And she's crushing on her best friend who's absolutely clueless.
It's kind of cute though. Because she told me, she's been letting her feelings show a bit in front of me :) Like when she called out to her bst friend but she didnt turn around so Julie got all upset about it :P And she's a songwriter so she writes songs dedicated to her too. They're amazing btw. And she keeps thinking whether to tell her or not.
It's my first time having a lesbian friend so it's kind of weird but I'm not against it at all. I'm actually looking forward to see what will happen :D
Short blog but I'm busy so that's it for now. Bye!
xxRoselle.
My studies in one word. I'm in year 10 and I have two assignments overdue by two weeks, a chemistry test on Tuesday,an English essay and a history exam (I don't even remember when I have them) but I'm not bothered doing ANY of it. Any tips on getting over procrastination? Anyone?
xxRoselle.
Ok so I have to make my subject selections for year 11 and 12 this weekend and I AM DYING. Last year I wanted to do architecture or interior design but now, after loads of research, my mind has changed completely. I want to do teaching. Not for the money or the ranking, or for people to see me as someone better than I actually am. This is something I'm seriously passionate about. But my mum thinks otherwise.
Tomorrow's my last day to choose my subjects for next year and my choices determine what uni I'll get into and what career I'm going to take. My mum and I are currently on hate-mode since I've become a teen, so obviously she'll disagree with my dream. Apparently I should do accounting or engineering and she's been trying to convince me to change my mind. But my mind is stuck.
Now my mum's beyond disappointed and usually I wouldn't care but THIS IS MY CAREER. Even though I hate my mum right now, I don't want her to be disappointed with me. For god's sake, she's even EMBARRASSED of me. So embarrassed that she won't take me to Phillipines because 'I'm too embarrassing to be intorduced to her family'. Hearing something like that hurts. A LOT. I hate knowing that my mum hates me. But she's stopped being a parent to me now.
At least I still have my dad though. He's the one I talked to about my subject selections and he's the one that helped me choose my career. He lets me be a kid again and respects my decisions. He's someone I can turn to about ANYTHING, even guys. Without him and my brother, I don't know how I'd survive in this household.
xxRoselle.
Yo! Long time no blog :D So I've been busy with school and all (choosing my subjects for next year OTL) so I haven't blogged in a bit. GOOD NEWS THOUGH! My friend Matteo has officially made his little crush Shaun.. HIS BOYFRIEND.
Yes I am happy. His first ever relationship :') I've known him since I was 7 years old and for the first time he can happily say "Yes, I have a boyfriend."
But this happened a good 5 days ago >> and I've met Shaun and he seems really cute :3 Hopefully will upload a pic if I can :)
And even now I am busy so that's all for now :D I'll probably post some pics up tomorrow or make this blog prettier >> meh, not really bothered. Pish posh.
Cya Cyberpeople!
xxRoselle.
Ok so you shoud probably know about my friend Matteo and how he's gay (if not, then check out my first blog). Well... yesterday I kind of saw him kissing some guy at the park >>
So first, let me give a background. Matteo told us he was gay when he was around 15. I was only 12 so I didn't believe him at first :/ but eventually it rubbed in. Since he turned gay at that age, he never had a girlfriend OR boyfriend. Until now.
When I saw him pashing that guy, I kind of ran. FAR. Later that day I texted him about it. He said that he'll explain it to all of us after school. So after school me and my friends met up at Matteo's house. This is what he told us (prepare for story format):
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